In the depths of the pandemic in an unsettling post-election holidaze, I’ve had exceptional moments of clarity. What about you?
What’s kept you alive and well these days? The comfort of home or loved ones nearby, whether through touch or tech. The emergency fund that helps you enjoy the break of the daily grind and break the norm as we knew it. The exposure of political and social patterns we readily ignore or perpetuate.
Call it a breath of fresh air, or rather Covid, but chaos is the perfect time to recognize the sense from the noise.
At the beginning of this year, like many beginnings of years, I made a commitment to pursue my genuine self. Each year, I have a greater understanding of who I am and who I want to be. In 2020, my commitment was to create and release my debut hip hop album and share my poems as a hip hop artist. It happened. I ended up releasing two musical projects: Current Virus and The Book of Cosmosis. These two EPs catapulted me into a creative flux and empowering collaboration with local underground artists. In this stage of creation, a range of romantic and rabid mind states propelled me with momentum.
Now, in December 2020, I review my goals and progress as if it’s another end of the week. It takes thorough reflection and analysis to see how far we’ve come and how much further there is to go. How far we’re on track and how much we’ve wavered. To check in is to calibrate and redirect as needed.
When I finish a project or job, the notion of identity and belonging slithers back into my mind as doubt and insecurities. The all-too-friendly imposter syndrome gets in the way of the pure joy in doing the things I love. For a second, or a month, I take a break to feel and process these emotions. For the gajillionth time, I come back to my purpose to write and share.
These moments of clarity are forgiving, more so today thanks to the committed rounds of therapy. These moments must be forgiving, because what the fuck was this year? These moments remind me that not everything is as it seems.
In fact, we can create our own realities, manifest our success, and accept the deranged and unexpected ways life can take us in our pursuit.
God loves ugly, says Slug of Atmosphere. Don’t let the elevator take us down, says Prince. Hang-ups do not define a kid, says Sa-Roc.
Please celebrate your success in movement, progress, and growth – whatever it may look like.