In the depths of the pandemic in an unsettling post-election holidaze, I’ve had exceptional moments of clarity. What about you?
What’s kept you alive and well these days? The comfort of home or loved ones nearby, whether through touch or tech. The emergency fund that helps you enjoy the break of the daily grind and break the norm as we knew it. The exposure of political and social patterns we readily ignore or perpetuate.
Call it a breath of fresh air, or rather Covid, but chaos is the perfect time to recognize the sense from the noise.
At the beginning of this year, like many beginnings of years, I made a commitment to pursue my genuine self. Each year, I have a greater understanding of who I am and who I want to be. In 2020, my commitment was to create and release my debut hip hop album and share my poems as a hip hop artist. It happened. I ended up releasing two musical projects: Current Virus and The Book of Cosmosis. These two EPs catapulted me into a creative flux and empowering collaboration with local underground artists. In this stage of creation, a range of romantic and rabid mind states propelled me with momentum.
Now, in December 2020, I review my goals and progress as if it’s another end of the week. It takes thorough reflection and analysis to see how far we’ve come and how much further there is to go. How far we’re on track and how much we’ve wavered. To check in is to calibrate and redirect as needed.
When I finish a project or job, the notion of identity and belonging slithers back into my mind as doubt and insecurities. The all-too-friendly imposter syndrome gets in the way of the pure joy in doing the things I love. For a second, or a month, I take a break to feel and process these emotions. For the gajillionth time, I come back to my purpose to write and share.
These moments of clarity are forgiving, more so today thanks to the committed rounds of therapy. These moments must be forgiving, because what the fuck was this year? These moments remind me that not everything is as it seems.
In fact, we can create our own realities, manifest our success, and accept the deranged and unexpected ways life can take us in our pursuit.
God loves ugly, says Slug of Atmosphere. Don’t let the elevator take us down, says Prince. Hang-ups do not define a kid, says Sa-Roc.
Please celebrate your success in movement, progress, and growth – whatever it may look like.
You define the elements that create this
environment, break it down into understandable parts, then make a plan to
change what you can control.
My chaos these days comes from an emotional
clusterfuck in the heart of transitions and a global dramedy of tired topics.
It’s tough to be segmented and regimented when personal matters, career
aspirations, and global disfunction clash and bombard our daily lives. Maybe
you have additional circumstances to work through like mental illness, taking
care of ailing family members, or surviving trauma. Maybe your chaos is consumed
by just one impactful situation.
Everyone’s chaos is unique. We have our own
collections of stressors and realities that impact our ability to think clearly,
solve our problems, and lead peaceful and happy lives.
To tackle my own plate of seemingly
well-organized shit, I did an exercise to break through the noise of my
thoughts, obsessions, and anxieties so I could start making moves about what
actually matters to me.
My goal in this post is to help you find peace in chaos by sharing 3 steps to clear the air, hone your focus, and regain control.
Define
your chaos
Break
it down
Create
a plan
1. Define Your Chaos
Merriam-Webster Dictionary provides these
definitions:
Chaos (n): as a state of utter confusion
Peace (n): a state of tranquility
Ask yourself these questions:
How
do you feel? What is it that makes you feel confused or out of control?
Looking
at the elements that make you feel this way, which parts can you control?
What
brings you peace?
Throughout the day, we feel an incredible
amount of emotional flux. We can learn to control many of these thoughts but
only with practice. Mind control is the name of the game. If you don’t decide how
you want to use your energy, our environment will make that decision for us.
As much as we are sidetracked and bombarded by media, business, and pop culture of what, when, and why to think, we are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. Sometimes, all it takes is defining exactly what it is, part by part, by taking an honest and scrupulous analysis of our emotions.
2. Break it down
giphy.com
So now you know how you feel, but it’s still
messy. How can we isolate why or how we continue to feel this way?
Here are some ways you can start to get a
handle on your brilliant mind.
Meditate.
Really. Do it. Mindfulness is trendy, and for good reason. It answers a need that is all too present in our fast-paced, technologically-fueled, convenience-centered lives of 2019. When you don’t have the day’s to-do list running constantly in your mind, or you’re not running from task to task, or you spend more than 5 minutes away from your phone, you can then give your mind a chance to breathe. This space allows your brain to explore topics lingering in the back of your mind and help you recognize subconscious thoughts, how they behave and fluctuate, and ultimately how they affect conscious thoughts and your day-to-day happiness.
Start by writing in a journal of that day’s events. Your brain will end up making connections through the process of writing that you may not have observed otherwise. For instance, you may note that a friend said something to you that piqued your interest or how much a stranger’s smile boosted your confidence. I also challenge you to try writing in a stream of consciousness style, or freewriting. This is essentially writing without stopping to think or plan what to say. This helps gets your subconscious thoughts on paper and allow you to assess and pinpoint where the feeling of chaos is coming from.
If you find yourself regularly thinking about past events, take some focused time and energy to observe what happened with as much of a non-biased eye as possible. There is no point in repeatedly reliving the event and related trauma, so give yourself the time to assess so you can move forward. Review it thoroughly, bravely assess those emotions you felt and continue to feel, and note how you would like future situations to improve. Then, move on. Let it go. It’s true that whatever you think about most becomes larger and, many times, overwhelming, creating a situation that some may refer to as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Focusing on past regrets or shame will keep you not only in the past but in a constricting mind frame that hinders real growth.
Plan for the future you want. Visualize the
person you want to be by thinking of a situation that made you feel bad, unworthy,
or less than your true character. Rewrite that scene in your head as the person
you ultimately want to be. Visualize, and assert those actions into reality. Use
detailed steps and develop routines to ensure consistency.
Take care of yourself. When people have
problems, we tend to nurse them with the sweet array of vices around us:
alcohol, drugs, tv, sex, gossip. Whatever your poison, recognize that your
physiology affects your emotions. If you are sleep-deprived, you may feel
aggravated and groggy, which blocks your ability to be patient and think
creatively with an open mind. If you are eating fast-food every day, your body
doesn’t get the nutrition it needs and puts your body and mind in a slump. If
you are always on the move, you may not be listening to signs your body gives
you. Remember to take breaks, use meditation to be aware of how your body feels,
and never forget to include activities that bring joy.
Whether it’s making tough decisions like
taking a hard look at your harmful habits or saying goodbye to toxic friends, the
decision to find peace is on you.
I am going through these steps as honestly
and as paced as I need, so that I could become the person that I want to be. If
you end up going through these steps or would like to share your opinions or
experience, please feel free to leave a comment or get in touch.
